Why Throw A Circle
by The Laughing Duchess
Summary: Drabbles based on spoilers and speculation for Oliver and Felicity in Season 3.
1. One

**AUTHORS NOTES:** Small gap filler for 2x23. Been doing some drabbles as a side project while I work my way through some writer's block on At First Just A Little. I shared them on tumblr and thought I'd do the same here as a thank you for the kind words of encouragement I've received. Hope you enjoy. Arrow belongs to DC Comics. Title blatantly stolen from the song "I See You, You See Me" by The Magic Numbers.

* * *

_I often thought that you'd be better off left alone  
Why throw a circle round a man with broken bones?  
But darling when I see you, I see me_

~"I See You, You See Me" by The Magic Numbers

* * *

The first time is accidental.

Well, as accidental as purposefully crawling into a bed together can be. It's just that they go back to the foundry so Oliver can change, thinking they're going to get on a plane with Slade at any moment. It turns out not to be the case.

The cell ARGUS has for him isn't quite ready and the jet needs fueling and Amanda Waller apparently has to interview Slade herself before she'll let them lock him away. Digg eventually goes back to meet Lyla to find out how long it's all going to take, leaving Felicity and Oliver to stare nervously at each other after he's gone.

She tears her eyes away from him, letting them flit around the room. The place is a wreck, and probably a death trap in some areas, but she's too tired to start working on it now. "I'm exhausted," she says, undoing her coat for what feels like the first time in weeks. She drops it onto a nearby pile of rubble and slowly walks back to where Oliver's bed is. It's miraculously clear of debris. "Mind if I take a nap?" she asks, looking back at him as she crosses to the far side.

He shrugs, walking towards her. "That's fine."

She kicks off her shoes and crawls under the covers, trying not to think about how long it's probably been since the sheets were changed, and closes her eyes as Oliver makes his way over. The other side of the bed dips down as he sits.

"I'm sorry."

She nods into a pillow that still smells like Sara and knows that she's not even close to being emotionally prepared to deal with this. They can talk about it later, when she's had a shower and some coffee and can no longer feel the phantom press of steel against her neck. "It all worked out in the end, Oliver."

"I should have told-"

She opens her eyes and stares up at him, his words dying off based on whatever he sees there. He's perched on the edge and he looks exactly as tired as she feels, maybe even more so. It's not surprising. He's lost so much in the past few days, how he's able to form complete sentences just then is beyond her. His mother is dead, his sister off on her own, and Sara was out there somewhere preparing to head back to her life as not only an assassin, but also Nyssa's girlfriend. Maybe.

It's fucked up. Every single inch of the situation is fucked up. And now they have to go back to Lian Yu. The idea of it seems unbearable.

The last thing she wants him to do is apologize for successfully executing a plan. She reaches out and tugs on his arm. "You should sleep too, Oliver. Come lay down."

He doesn't fight her. Just nods and slides back onto the bed over the covers. She curls up onto her side, facing his body, watching his chest rise and fall as he stares at the ceiling. She should have told him to change out of the leather.

He turns his head towards her, watching her for a moment before his body suddenly follows the movement. Their knees brush against each other as he curls up and she smiles at him.

"I'm glad you're alive," he says, his voice low.

"I'm glad you're alive, too." Her eyes well up a little as she thinks about how either of them might not have been. The whole thing could much more easily have gone wrong. They had been lucky.

Oliver raises a hand and traces his fingers along her hairline until his thumb brushes over the cut on her forehead. It hurts, which surprises her. It feels like the crash was a long time ago, like the wound should already have started to heal, but it had only been a matter of hours. How had so much happened in such a short time?

His hand cups her face and the bed dips again as he shifts towards her, pressing his lips to the injury. Her whole body stiffens until he pulls back and catches her eyes. "I'm so glad," he whispers, their faces close and his voice catching slightly.

She thinks of his whispered "I love you." They're both feeling vulnerable, but none of this really means anything and one of them needs to remember that. When his eyes dart to her mouth she knows it's going to have to be her.

"Go to sleep, Oliver," she says softly, easing his hand away from her face. She twines their fingers together and then twists their bent arms slightly, tucking them up against her body.

"Felicity, I-"

She brushes her cheek against his knuckles before settling their hands under her chin. "No more talking. Just sleep."

Oliver draws in a quick breath as if he's going to protest, but then he nods and squeezes her fingers. Her eyes flutter shut, a wave of exhaustion and relief overtaking her. Now is not their time.

Oliver slides closer, resting his forehead against hers and after a few minutes his breathing evens out as he falls into sleep.

She remembers the small smile he gave her after his words at the mansion and lets her heart swell a little. It's a sweet thought, a sweet feeling, but it's something she'll have to let go of. For now though, she holds it close.

Tomorrow she'll make sure to forget.


	2. Two

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:** The flights home. Post 2x23. I've never written from Oliver's POV before. Holy lord is he tough. I am in awe of those of you who do this regularly. Arrow belongs to DC Comics. The title is blatantly stolen from the song "I See You, You See Me" by The Magic Numbers.

* * *

_I often thought that you'd be better off left alone_  
_Why throw a circle round a man with broken bones?_  
_But darling when I see you, I see me_

_~"I See You, You See Me" by The Magic Numbers_

* * *

It takes two hours to fly from Lian Yu to Hong Kong, but it feels like an eternity. Mostly because he can't see her.

He supposes he could chalk the slow crawl of the clock up to exhaustion. He's crashing down from the near constant flow of adrenaline that's been coursing through his body since he walked into his house and saw Slade Wilson with his mother all those weeks ago, but that doesn't explain the pit in his stomach.

His hands tighten around the controls as he checks his watch. There's a little over an hour left.

His body is aching and his injured knee throbs from the humidity on the island, but pain is so much a part of his life now that he almost wouldn't know how to function without it. Still, he wouldn't mind a little distraction. Felicity is usually good for that sort of thing.

She's sitting behind him, but she's gone quiet. He misses the way she was hurling questions at him before, the way she was rambling on about whether his being trained in Hong Kong actually made him some sort of ninja. If he could hear her again things would be better, he would be calmer, but even her breathing is being drowned out by the sound of the engines. It's the longest she's been out of his sight since he left her at the house and it should bother him more that it's bothering him so much, but it doesn't.

Digg sighs in the seat next to him and Oliver can't ignore the way his friend's fingers are tapping impatiently against his leg.

"My flying upsetting you, Digg?" he asks into his headset.

Digg keeps staring straight ahead, but his hand stills and the corners of his mouth start to curl up. His voice is tinny in Oliver's ear. "Seems like you're doing fine. My mind is just elsewhere."

Oliver knows the feeling. His mind is elsewhere as well. It's just that his elsewhere is a lot closer, about three feet behind him the last time he checked.

That's if she's still in her seat, which she must be. It's a small plane, it's not like there's anywhere for her to go, but the lack of noise or activity coming from her direction is unnerving.

The silence in the cabin is ringing in his ears and he feels no shame in admitting that he'd rather be hearing the sound of her voice. The topic doesn't even matter at this point. Last week she'd been talking about shoes and he'd put a hand on her shoulder before changing the subject back to something more relevant, but now he thinks he'd be happy to hear her debate the merits of boots that zipped up versus boots that pulled on.

Maybe she's sleeping. He finally gives in and turns in his seat to look back, covering up his intent by cracking his back as he glances in her direction. His body makes a satisfying popping noise, helping him sell the lie and buying enough time for his eyes to really run over her. She's curled up in her seat, head resting against the window and eyes closed. He turns back to the windshield, feeling a little bit better. Digg smirks lightly at him from the co-pilot seat.

He tries to focus on the task at hand. It's a beautiful day. A brilliant sky full of white, fluffy clouds stretches out in front of them and the sea looks like a sheet of silk down below. Everything is calm and he should be too. They're safe now. Slade's been locked up and Felicity is fine.

She'd taken a pretty strong blow to the head when the van flipped, though. Maybe she shouldn't be sleeping. Had they even checked her for signs of concussion?

The minutes tick by and he almost tells Digg twice to take over, wanting nothing more than to slip into the back and reassure himself that she's alive, that she's breathing. His concern seems a little out of place. She hasn't shown any symptoms of being concussed and Slade's sword didn't leave so much as a scratch on her neck. He's not sure how that's possible, but he's grateful all the same. If she has any scars from this mission they'll be psychological. It's not a comforting thought.

He's asked too much of her this time, he's sure of it.

His palms slip on the controls and he shakes his head. He can't let himself think like this. He should really use some of that ninja training Felicity seemed so impressed by to center his mind. He breathes in and out slowly, methodically, until it's just him, the plane, and that clear blue sky.

And Felicity.

Who is definitely just sleeping behind him. And not in a coma.

He gives up and turns to Digg. "You want to-"

Her voice crackles over the headset and cuts him off. "It might just be the sleep deprivation talking, but tell me that cloud on the left doesn't look exactly like Snoopy."

Digg grins as Oliver sits back in his seat. He scans the horizon, unable to see what she sees, but that isn't surprising. He's not exactly known for his flights of fancy. Digg's imagination is apparently better than his, though, because he not only spots it, but turns and points out some other cloud that he thinks looks like a dolphin. Felicity pops her head in between their seats to get a better look and then stays up there with them, she and Digg pointing out shapes in the sky, until he begins their descent.

He's in a much better mood when they land and as soon as they finish taxiing he's up out of his seat and moving to her side. She's prodding the cut on her forehead gently. "How's your head?"

She smiles up at him. "Still attached."

His hand comes to rest on her lower back as they make their way into the airport and he keeps it there as they weave through the crowds. They have to fly commercial from Hong Kong to Starling City and he can't keep the surprise off his face when the tickets they print out at the kiosk say first class. ARGUS wasn't usually so generous. He'd once been shoved in a crate and shipped on a mission as cargo freight.

"It must be a mistake." Diggle says, warily eyeing the long line they'll have to join in order to speak to someone about it.

Felicity's cheeks turn slightly pink. "Not exactly," she tells them. "How upset would the two of you be if it turned out I used my powers for our personal gain?" She wrings her hands together nervously as she looks back and forth between the two of them.

Both he and Diggle stare at her in stunned silence.

"What?" she asks, her voice a little sharp. "It's not like either of you would be comfortable in coach. I figure we've earned it."

Oliver looks to Diggle, who shrugs. "Can't argue with the lady."

They board the flight home and Oliver ignores the look Digg shoots him when he lowers himself into the seat next to hers.

He knows there's a lecture heading his way. Digg will have fourteen uninterrupted hours to work on it now and Oliver finds that he's almost looking forward to it. Something has to snap him out of this. Something has to remind him of why he'd kept her at bay to begin with and Digg's disapproval seems like an excellent start.

He's been making questionable decisions for days now. Felicity didn't even need to come with them to Lian Yu, but the idea of leaving her behind had made him uneasy. She'd walked him through everything with Slade, calmed him down, built him up, made him believe. She was the reason that Slade was in custody. Without her he would have failed, there's no doubt about it.

Once they reach cruising altitude she plays with the controls on her seat, transforming it into a bed with a satisfied grin. She pulls out the complimentary red satin eye mask and does a little happy dance in her seat as she pops it on. "Don't wake me for anything," she says, smiling blindly in his direction.

The strap of the mask poofs her hair up on one side and he reaches to fix it, but freezes when he feels a not entirely unfamiliar impulse.

He wants to kiss her.

He wants to wrap his hand around the back of her neck and pull her towards him before she has time to realize what he's doing. He wants to feel her fingers brace against his chest in surprise and then twist into the material of his shirt as his lips part hers for the very first time. He wants to lick his way into her mouth as he lifts her into his lap, wants to run his fingers up her sides as her hands tug at his hair, he wants to make her moan so loud and so long that a flight attendant has to run over and demand that they stop. He wants to see the swell of her lips and the flush of her cheeks as she pulls off that mask and realizes that they're not so unthinkable after all.

He wants that. He wants her. The understanding, as always, is painful.

Before he can decide whether to act or not, she lies back and rolls onto her side, still facing towards him. His hand drops to his lap.

He watches her openly as they hurtle through the sky and realizes he's in more trouble than he thought. He doesn't just want her. He can feel the words he said at the house sneaking around in his mouth and it takes every ounce of control to keep them from slipping out again.

He can't let that happen, but he can reach over the barrier between them and take her hand once his own seat reclines down. The angle is awkward, but he feels her fingers grasp his and he knows that he won't let go until she does.

He closes his eyes.

When they open again, Felicity's seat is back up and she's looking down at him softly. They're still holding hands.

It's been fourteen hours.

It's not enough time.


	3. Three

AUTHORS NOTES: I can't stop thinking about the show. Send help. Arrow belongs to DC Comics. The title is blatantly stolen from the song "I See You, You See Me" by The Magic Numbers.

* * *

_I often thought that you'd be better off left alone  
Why throw a circle round a man with broken bones?  
But darling when I see you, I see me_

_~"I See You, You See Me" by The Magic Numbers_

* * *

Digg and Lyla take them out to dinner one night in July and nervously announce that they're having a baby. Or, more accurately, that Lyla is having a baby. Digg's baby. Which, whoa, sounds really sexist. It's Lyla and Digg's baby. Inside her. Baking. For the next six months. Because Lyla is pregnant.

Felicity is happy, she is. She's thrilled. Digg is going to be an amazing father and while she doesn't know Lyla that well, Digg loving her so much must mean that she's an all around awesome person. She fired a rocket launcher from the side of a helicopter, so it stands to reason that she can probably handle having a child, but still. Felicity's mind scrambles to work out the logistics. Where on Earth are they going to put a baby?

That's probably not the best question to ask.

She smiles at the couple sitting across from her, quickly offering up her congratulations before rambling excitedly about how fun it will be to take this theoretical child to the zoo one day, but no one else is exactly beaming. Not even the parents. It's all sorts of awkward.

Oliver is dead silent beside her in the booth, which is not acceptable, so she kicks him under the table. His head pops up and he tells them their news is wonderful and then he smiles the smile that Felicity hates- the one that means he's pretending. She slides her hand onto his leg just above the knee and squeezes hard to get him to stop, to get him to focus on the joyous and momentous news being shared with them. Pinching someone who spent years being tortured is probably not the nicest or most mature way to handle it, but she presses her fingers into his flesh anyway and wow- his thigh is _solid_. Like, it's all muscle and no softness and maybe her fingers slide up a little as she feels this situation out. Oliver inhales sharply at the movement, his body jerking up straighter as his head whips around in her direction. Her hand flies back into her lap.

She can feel his eyes on her for a while after that.

Digg and Lyla beg off as soon as the check is settled, because, well, Lyla is tired. The brunette smiles at Felicity and whispers conspiratorially across the table that pregnancy side effects are an excuse she plans on using as much as possible. Felicity agrees it's a good strategy. No one can argue back without looking like a jerk.

Everyone hugs before they take off, because they're a family after all, and she notices the way Oliver's arms come around Digg and then tighten a little. She feels better. He is happy for them. It's just a lot.

Oliver slides back into the booth once they leave and she slides back in next to him and the two of them look at each other in stunned silence. "Wow," she finally says, picking up her almost empty wine glass and draining it. "Wow."

Oliver says nothing. For a while they both just sit there thinking.

Their table is next to the window and it's raining a little outside. The drops of water on the pane distort the lights beyond the glass, making the world appear softer. She's warm and the wine and the candlelight are making her feel warmer still, but her body is buzzing. Digg is having a baby. At this time next year there will be a baby. It's crazy.

"They're going to need a nanny or something, right? Because we can't exactly put a bassinette in the foundry, can we?" Felicity asks. "I mean, I guess we could, but baby proofing that place would be a nightmare."

Oliver shrugs.

"Did you have a nanny?"

"Yeah," he says, his eyebrows lifting as he nods. "A few of them."

She slides closer to Oliver and reaches across him, picking his untouched glass of wine up from the table without asking permission. He never actually drinks when they're out anyway. She takes a thoughtful sip of it and then another, ignoring the way the corners of his mouth tick up when she murmurs appreciatively. "Nannies are good," she says, not really sure that she has that opinion.

He tilts his head noncommittally, his arm stretching out behind her on the booth, and she leans back, curling the glass of wine to her chest as she tucks herself against him. After a moment his arm slips down around her shoulders.

They go quiet again and she slowly finishes the rest of his wine. "So, what are we thinking? Andrew?"

Oliver's fingers trail against the skin of her arm absentmindedly. It feels nice. "Probably, if it's a boy."

"Oh, it's a boy. They don't really seem like girl people."

"I don't think it works that way," he muses, smiling.

"Really?" she asks sarcastically. Her left hand plops down on his knee. "Please explain to me the way that cells divide. I dare you."

He surprises her by actually thinking about it for a second. "There's something called…mitosis, right?"

She huffs softly, lifting her hand from his leg. "Score one for you, Mr. Queen," she says, waving her finger in the air a little. "But don't get cocky. The day you get to lecture me on science is the day I get to lecture you on Krav Maga." Her arm drops down again, her hand falling back above his knee as if they touch like this all the time, as if it's normal, as if it's natural. She stares down at the way it sits there, a little surprised by how comfortable she feels. Had Oliver's drink been her second or third?

"You keep up your training with Digg and that day might come sooner than either of us think."

She shrugs, but is totally pleased that he's noticed the work she's been putting in. She stretches her right arm out and places the empty wine glass onto the edge of the table. "Have you seen these guns recently?" she asks, curling the arm back up so he can see the newly formed definition in her bicep. She stares at the muscle proudly and he slides his hand up to squeeze it gently.

"Very impressive." They smile at each other and if that squeeze starts to feel like a caress, Felicity doesn't mention it.

She relaxes back against him. A busboy stops at their table and clears the remaining plates before reluctantly asking if they'd like some more water. It's probably a hint that they should leave, but she doesn't really want to and Oliver makes no move to get up. The restaurant is quiet and dark and the candles are giving everything a golden glow. It's nice to just sit there with him.

"So, what would I have?" Oliver eventually asks. "Boys or girls?"

She thinks for a moment. "Maybe it's because I've seen you with Thea, but I'm pretty sure you're girl people." His body tenses next to her and she grins. "Oh please, if you think it's going to be hard for you, just think of those poor girls of yours. They'll have no social lives. Their dates will show up and run scared the minute you open the door wearing all that leather."

"That's assuming they make it to the door. I'm not sure you've considered the moat I'll be installing." He shifts in his seat, a small smile on his lips. "What about you? Boys or girls?"

She sits up a little. "Oh, um. I'm don't know."

He bends his arm up and his hand starts brushing lightly over the back of her head. "Really?" he murmurs lowly. "I was thinking you might be girl people, too."

She turns to look at him and wow, his face is close, like really close, and his fingers feel really good on the back of her head. She blinks. "I don't know. I, uh, I'm not sure I'll have kids."

Oliver moves to tuck a piece of her hair back behind her ear. His voice is soft. "You don't like them?"

"No, I do," she says, a bit breathlessly. "I just, I don't know. Kids are sticky."

Oliver smiles, his head dipping a little in her direction. For a moment she thinks he might kiss her, which is ridiculous. She and Oliver do not kiss. Not ever. Not even when someone's about to walk into the server room they're hiding in and they have no plausible excuse for being there. Right now though, his eyes can't seem to stay off her lips and his fingers are massaging the back of her neck, and okay yeah, he definitley just rolled his lips into his mouth to moisten them, so she was wrong about it being ridiculous. He's totally thinking about kissing her.

Alarm bells roar to life in her head. Things have been different between them since the island, they have. He's been more open, more affectionate and they've spent a lot of time together just hanging out because the city has been so quiet. It's hard not to get a little carried away, but she's been doing her best to not read too much into it. Sara's been gone for months and he hasn't been seeing anyone new. The poor guy is going through a dry spell and here she is molesting his knee all night like some sort of pervert.

"Who knew you'd get turned on by knee touching?" she mumbles and Oliver's eyebrows leap upwards the way they do whenever she says something inappropriate.

Wait. Did she say that out loud?

She runs the last five seconds back in her head. "Oh. OH! No! I don't- I wasn't trying to turn you on! I meant that it's been a really long time since you slept with someone-whoa! Not that I was thinking about that either! Well I was, but I was more thinking that you were desperate. Not desperate! Hard up. Oh, god. " She blinks rapidly and then scrambles away from him, scooting all the way out of the booth. She puts her hands on her hips, trying to hold onto some small shred of dignity as she turns back to face him. He hasn't moved an inch. "Oliver, I don't want to talk anymore, let's go back to my place."

Oliver freezes for a second and then he starts laughing, which is crazy because he never really laughs. It's always a light guffaw or a chuckle, but, while this laughter is kind of quiet, almost silent actually, it's definitely happening. His shoulders are even shaking. For the life of her she can't figure out what she said that was so funny.

"Seriously, you need to take me back to my place right now and, no! That's not what I- Jesus, I don't mean _back to my place_, back to my place. I'm not propositioning you. I just need you to take me to bed right now and Oh. My. God. What am I saying? I think I might be drunk. Am I a little drunk?"

Oliver slides out of the booth far more gracefully than she did and places his hand on her shoulders. He smiles at her broadly as he shakes his head. "I don't mind." He presses his lips to her forehead and then turns away, heading towards the exit.

Felicity gulps down a mouthful of air.

That forehead kiss thing was new. And it was nice.

She chases after him.


	4. Four

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:** Um spoilers to 3x06 I guess. I wrote the basic outline of this series and large portions of the story over the summer and with being so busy at work I haven't had time to add in what's happened on the show. So, in this world the Digglet hasn't been born yet. I wanted to add in the Sara stuff, because I think it adds to the angst, but I'm not sure it really works here. In fact, I'm not sure how I feel about this section at all, but figured it was about time I posted something. I hope you'll enjoy it anyway.

* * *

_I often thought that you'd be better off left alone_

_Why throw a circle round a man with broken bones?_

_But darling when I see you, I see me_

_~"I See You, You See Me" by The Magic Numbers_

* * *

They move around each other cautiously these days, two people well aware that any sudden movement might hurt the other. It's not in his nature to be so indirect, but he doesn't have much choice. Felicity seems to be the one setting the pace.

He knows it's his fault. He keeps pushing things, saying things that make her build higher walls around herself. He just can't help it sometimes; words have a way of falling from his lips when he's around her. Now that he's told her, it's like he wants to tell her all the time, wants her to know and to forgive him and to understand, but she refuses to absolve him.

They have an uneasy alliance, built on shifting sands where she purposefully ignores the way he looks at her and he purposefully ignores the way she hasn't told him how she feels. He thought he knew. He thought he'd always known. But her silence makes him wonder.

It doesn't matter. He needs to find a way for them to move forward, a way to start patching over the cracks that are spreading through their partnership, but he can't think of any gesture he can make that will fix this. He ends up buying her a donut. It's stupid, but it's pink with sprinkles and he needs to get her something to congratulate her on her promotion anyway. Besides, right now a donut is really all he can afford.

She smiles brightly when he places it in front of her. "Congratulations," he says, taking in the way she fits behind his old desk. He'd never felt comfortable there, but she looks like she belongs.

She raises an eyebrow at him, "You bring any coffee to go with that?"

His shoulders lift in tandem with the corners of his mouth, "I didn't want to step on Jimmy's toes."

"It's Gerry," she corrects him lightly. "And I never ask him to bring me coffee. Wouldn't want to be a hypocrite, you know."

They smile at each other over the private joke and it feels familiar and strange all at the same time. They're different people than they were the last time they stood in this office and the totality of the change makes his chest hurt. Flashes of the times they'd spent there before he'd ruined everything assault him. Late night conversations over take out, her smiling encouragingly across the conference table as he'd start meetings he had no business leading, and hours spent going over financial reports neither of them had much interest in. Long before Isabel had made her move, he'd wondered why the board hadn't taken the company away from him, but it seems clear now. It had been Felicity that had kept his head above water, Felicity who had kept him in his position.

He'd brought her up there to make his job as the Arrow easier, but she'd ended up taking care of both sides of his life. He hadn't thought about anything more than convenience when he'd dragged her up those eighteen stories, but he'd made her a target as soon as they were publicly linked. And months later, after he understood what he'd done, he found that he was unable to send her away- not that she would have let him. His eyes dart around the room and land on the windows. Last fall they'd gone flying out one of them, but if they were in the same position today, he's not sure he would be so reckless with her life. He shakes his head, it might not matter what he would do. If something were to come at them now, would she still reach for him? Would she follow him so blindly?

Gerry's voice buzzes in through the intercom. "Mr Palmer wants to see you in his office, Ms. Smoak."

Felicity grimaces. "Ms. Smoak, " she says uncomfortably. "That's weird, right? He's like, two months younger than me." She rises from her chair and grabs the donut, taking a big bite and smiling. "Mmmm, so good," she murmurs around a mouthful. "Thanks."

She steps out from behind the desk and he blinks, fighting to keep his eyes from admiring the way her purple dress hugs the curves of her body. He wonders if this is how it was for her back at the start, when he was always hanging shirtless from the ceiling and she was always trying desperately not to stare. He'd toyed with her then, enjoying the way her cheeks would flush, enjoying that someone out there liked the way he looked, that someone could see his scars and not remember that they hadn't always been there. He wears shirts when he's working out in the foundry now, as if that's the way to keep her at arm's length, but her outfits have become more revealing. All these little flashes of her stomach and back, all these little cut outs and cropped tops, it's like she's daring him to touch her. He can't imagine she's playing with him purposefully though; the stakes are just too high.

As soon as she moves past him, he gives up the struggle and turns, watching her openly, drinking in the flare of her hips as she walks to the door. Her hair is down instead of up and he wonders if it means something. It's a ridiculous thing to consider, but he can't help reading into everything she does these days.

She stops at the door and turns back to him as she takes another greedy bite. "See you tonight?" she asks, chewing gracelessly for a second before licking a smudge of frosting from her thumb. He does his best to ignore the way his pulse jumps.

"Yes," he nods. "We'll pick you up at seven." They've got an undercover mission at a business dinner. A few months ago he'd have been excited to have her by his side all night, but now it feels nerve-wracking, like he's going to spend hours maneuvering through a minefield.

She nods and he's walking out behind her towards the elevator when Ray Palmer comes flying around the corner. Felicity hides the remains of the donut behind her back and swallows hard as he skids to a halt. Something about the way her free hand rises up to meet the other man's chest as he collides with her doesn't sit right with Oliver.

"I was coming up," she laughs, a smile spreading across her face as she shakes her head.

"I thought it might have been rude, calling for you like that, especially if you were busy when I wasn't. I meant to ask Gerry. But I was thinking about those airborne turbines. You're right, no one wants them hovering over their homes and filling their yards with dead birds, I get that now, I promise. But if we put them off the coast then there aren't any yards."

"Yeah, but there's the water," Felicity says, her hand patting his chest lightly. "Thousands of birds would still be slaughtered. And I'm pretty sure the tourism board would have something to say about the shore line being littered with bird parts."

Ray starts to speak and then stops, his mouth snapping shut as he thinks. "Maybe further out to sea?"

Felicity shakes her head as her hand finally falls away. "The turbines have to go higher but the technology isn't there, yet. It's a good idea and my team is on it, but for now, well, do you really want it raining feathers?"

Ray smiles at her softly and then shakes his head no. "And you thought you weren't worth spending 1.2 billion dollars on."

Felicity laughs. "I always thought I was worth spending 1.2 billion dollars on. You were just really creepy about it."

Ray smiles and then peeks over her shoulder. "What's behind your back?"

Felicity blushes. "Oh, nothing," she says letting her hand fall to her side. "A donut."

Ray stares at her hand, "Why would you hide a-"

Oliver coughs lightly and Ray's question dies on his lips as he turns to stare at him. His brown eyes widen as if he hadn't even noticed Oliver was there and he steps back and extends his hand in welcome. Oliver takes it absentmindedly, his focus on Felicity who keeps smiling up at Ray as if Oliver's presence is irrelevant.

Oliver doesn't like that at all.

* * *

The dinner is tense. Felicity looks beautiful, but she's quiet and not at all happy that they're there. When they finally sneak off to find the mark's private office she isn't shy about letting Oliver know she thinks this is a huge waste of their time.

They aren't even in the office long enough to boot up the target's computer before Digg's voice crackles in their ears. Their absence from the dining room has been noted and the mark is making his way towards them. They're about to get caught, which means they need to make it look like there's another reason they've snuck off to a private room in the middle of a dinner party.

They've been in this position before, it's nothing new really, because these things happen in their line of work. You don't break into so many private offices, or server rooms, and not ever need a cover story. They've developed a sort of routine for when they're caught- a routine that involves some roaming hands and neck nuzzling, but does not involve him actually kissing her. Or grabbing her face in his hands and telling her he loves her, which is the impulse he feels now, standing next to her and watching as she worries her lower lip between her teeth. He runs his hand over the back of his neck and rubs lightly. They really need to come up with a new contingency plan.

Digg's voice is sharp in his ear and urgent with warning. "He's definitely heading your way. Felicity's right, this guy doesn't miss anything. He noticed the moment you two walked out."

"Where is he now, Digg?" Oliver asks.

"Turning down the hall, you don't have time to get out of there."

Oliver doesn't wait. His hands fly to her waist and he moves her to the wall in an instant, a small thrill running up his spine from the way she gasps. Her eyes are huge and sad and the rush he feels at having her in his arms again scares him. He hasn't been this close to her since the night of their ill-fated date, since he held her face in his hands and Felicity broke his heart by taking one step back.

He shakes the memory off before leaning forward, his nose sliding against her neck. Her perfume is crisp and floral, and he takes a moment to appreciate the lightness of it, the sweetness that matches her perfectly. His eyes close and he tries to squelch down the desire that bursts through him when she shivers at the feel of his breath on her neck. God, he wants to kiss her again. The last few weeks have been agony and he knows, deep down inside, that everything he said that night was a mistake. If he could go back and do things differently, he would. His hand flexes at her waist and he's drawing it up the side of her body when she suddenly pushes him away.

Felicity's voice is loud in the quiet room. "No."

He stumbles back in confusion as he hears the door open. She's looking at him like she's never seen him before, her mouth opening and closing and then opening again as she shakes her head and words start pouring out. Her hands fly out in front of her and he doesn't really understand what's going on, or why she's this upset. He hasn't done anything differently. It's the same thing they always do.

She's really yelling at him now though, calling him a jerk and saying he needs to be more considerate, but he stops focusing on her words because it's suddenly clear that she's not fully focused on them either. Her eyes keep darting over his right shoulder to the door that is now fully open behind him.

Pieces of a mystery he hadn't realized he'd been trying to solve fall into place. She's not upset that he pressed her against the wall. No, she's upset that the mark had been about to walk in. And not just any mark either- Ray Palmer. Felicity doesn't want the man to see them like that.

Her cheeks are flaming red and her hands are shaking so badly that she fists them against her sides. "It's not my fault that you lost your company," she says, running out of steam. She looks ashamed and his heart feels like it's being twisted in his chest. "You could at least pretend to be happy that I still have a job."

"I… I am happy for you?"

"You've got a funny way of showing it!"

His mouth falls open to refute her statement, but then he shuts it. Maybe he's seeing something that isn't really there. Palmer is her boss. It makes sense that she wouldn't want him to see her in some sort of compromising position. The two of them going off somewhere to fight in private covers up what they were doing just as well as a secret tryst would. It was a smart plan, really. "Felicity, I'm sorry."

"What's going on?" Parlmer finally interrupts, walking in and crossing quickly to Felicity's side. He looks down at her, his brows drawn together, the worry clear on his face as he places one hand on her shoulder. "Are you okay?" Oliver doesn't miss the way her shoulders relax under the other man's touch.

"I'm fine," Felicity says, turning towards their host and crossing her arms over her chest. "I apologize if we've disturbed your other guests."

"No, no. I'm the one who's sorry," Palmer begins. "I should have knocked. I saw you walk out and didn't know if you had decided to leave or if you'd gotten lost. I didn't realize the two of you needed a moment alone."

Felicity's head flies up. "Oh! No-no, we don't need to be alone," she babbles nervously. "Oliver and I aren't alone type people. We're exhibitionist people. Not sexually! I mean, I like to be by myself- not by myself! With a partner but somewhere private... like an office. But not this office! Because that's not what was happening. Oliver and I have never had sex."

"Felicity!" Oliver barks. Why is she acting so flustered? She's blushing, blushing the way he hasn't seen her do in a long time and the blood pounding in Oliver's veins is so loud he's surprised that no one else can hear it.

Ray's mouth twitches into a full blown smile and Felicity's hands fly up to cover her face as she wonders aloud why anyone lets her speak at all ever. She counts down from three and when she finally drops her hands from her cheeks she looks so charming and beautiful that it physically takes Oliver's breath away. Unfortunately, he's not the only one it has an affect on.

Palmer's thumb sweeps lightly over her collarbone and Oliver takes a step towards them, wanting to knock it away, before he catches himself. He has no right to say or do anything, but still. He needs Palmer to stop touching her. "Our apologies, Ray," he says through gritted teeth. "We just needed to talk for a second."

Palmer nods before turning to face him, "I know things have been tense between us, Oliver, but I don't want you to be angry with Felicity. Her skills are too valuable for me to not take advantage of. She's doing great work- work that I think honors your family's legacy of excellence. She's a tribute to the company."

Oliver swallows and nods. "Yes, absolutely. I'm not angry with Felicity at all, we just had a miscommunication. I apologize for any disturbance we might have caused."

It doesn't matter that he's apologizing though, because neither Palmer or Felicity are even listening to him. She's gazing up at the other man and he's gazing down and Oliver has no idea when this all could have possibly happened.

They look ridiculous together. Palmer's entirely too tall for Felicity.

Palmer's hand slides down to her lower back and he leads her over to the door. "I'm going to get Felicity something to drink," he calls over his shoulder. "Why don't you take a few minutes to get yourself together, Oliver."

Oliver nods and watches as Felicity's hands clasp behind her back, a flash drive slipping from her fingers and falling onto the expensive rug before they walk out.

Oliver closes the door before scooping up the device and slotting it into the terminal.

Diggle's voice in his ear is hesitant and low. "You okay, man?"

Oliver shakes his head as if his partner can see him, but doesn't say a word.

It's been three months since he and Felicity went on that date. It's been a month since she told him and Digg that she enjoyed working with Ray Palmer, that she respected him. That she liked him. Oliver hadn't thought anything of it. Clearly he'd misread the situation.

An hour later, Digg ushers Felicity and Oliver into the car. No one says a word the entire ride back to her townhouse. When they pull up Digg climbs out and tells them to stay put. "I'll just take a quick sweep before you go in."

The silence between them is uneasy as they watch their friend go to the door and then disappear inside. Felicity's hand slides onto the door handle. "I'm sorry I said those things," she says, eyes fixed out the window. "I didn't mean them."

"So why did you say them?"

Felicity pauses before answering softly. "Ray is pretty much the only person that doesn't think you made me your assistant because we were sleeping together. I don't want him to think he was wrong in handing Applied Sciences over to me."

He looks over at her sadly and shakes his head "You don't have to lie to me."

"I'm not lying." She takes a breath. "But I like him and his opinion matters to me," she says, her voice shaky as she exhales the words. "He's smart, and he's funny, and he's a good boss. He has big plans for the company. The things he wants to do, they're exciting. It's everything I dreamed about doing when I was in school."

"Sounds great. Too bad he spent so much time last year with Isabel."

"He was interested in buying the company Oliver, that's all their meetings were about. I know you want QC back, but I don't think we're going to find out he was involved with her and Slade in anything sinister."

Digg walks back out to the car and opens the door for her. Oliver nods sharply and places the flash drive into her hand. "I guess we'll find out."

She takes it and then slips out of the car, walking away without once looking back.

Digg drops Oliver at the secondary lair facility so he can be alone, but Oliver's body is buzzing with something and he can't settle down. He can't sit in that box tonight, caged in on all sides. He feels too big for the space, as if his head might hit the ceiling if he stands up without thinking.

He goes out instead. Goes out the way he used to, when Tommy was at his side and Laurel was patiently waiting at home.

He drinks.

And for the first time in a long, long time he feels nothing. No pain, no anxiety, no happiness either, just numb and it feels good, it feels incredible, to not feel anything at all. He takes a long pull on his beer and suddenly understands Laurel in a way that he hasn't before, in a way that makes him feel small for how he treated her in a hallway almost a year before. He hadn't known then, what really loving someone was like. What not being able to be with the person you wanted more than anything could do to your insides.

And just like that it suddenly dawns on him. Tommy was the love of Laurel's life. Tommy. Not him, not Oliver Queen. It's like a light bulb going off in his head.

He laughs bitterly as he swallows one of the shots he's got lined up on the bar in front of him, because how had he not realized that sooner? For some reason he'd placed the two of them on equal footing for her, but that was just ego. Laurel hadn't been in love with him for a long time. Her heart was Tommy's and not shared in the slightest with the boy Oliver had once been. He must have known that on a certain level before, but now it's like he _knows_. He and Laurel don't owe each other anything.

And with that understanding a weight lifts off him, because he doesn't have to feel so much guilt about her anymore. She's not his soul mate or his destiny or any of the other things the tabloids used to describe her as. It was okay that he spent five years dreaming of coming home to her only to not actually come home to her. He can't believe it took him so long to realize she hadn't been waiting for him all this time.

He needs to apologize to Laurel, apologize for the way he's behaved since the moment he met her. Apologize for standing in the way of her happiness and for wasting her time. He needs her to forgive him, really forgive him, because she hasn't honestly done that yet and he wants to be her friend- no he needs to be her friend again. She was important, still so much a part of him, and if he didn't fix things soon he would lose her. Tommy wouldn't want that. Neither would Sara. He swears to himself that he'll find a way to make everything up to her as he knocks a mouthful of tequila back into his throat.

Someone bumps into his back and he falls forward on his stool, knocking his beer bottle onto the bar. He scoops it up and finishes the dregs with one pull before nodding at the bartender for another. She smiles at him, all dark hair and red lips, looking him over in a way he wishes someone else with blonder hair would. It would be easy, he knows, to take this woman home tonight, fun too most likely, but instead he turns away. The bar is loud and there's a pulse of something thrumming through the crowd that he's not sure he recognizes. These people are rougher than the throngs that show up at Verdant, less willing to be looked at, less willing to show off. It's not the kind of place he's really used to. It's not a bar he'd have come to before, back when he was a billionaire with the world at his feet. It's rougher and he's getting stares because no matter what else he seems to lose, the fame always sticks.

There's a guy at the end of the bar that's just blatantly staring. He's big and he's eyeing Oliver in a way that says he wants to fight but Oliver doesn't know why. It could be anything, it could be alcohol, it could be because the Queens wrecked so many lives, or it could be that Oliver slept with his girlfriend once upon a time. He doesn't know and it doesn't matter. His body is bursting with the need to hit something, to lash out and the guy looks like he could actually take a beating. Or give one.

Oliver stands, a drunken plan forming in his head as he moves, logic left so far behind that his brain is basically sleeping. When he walks past the guy he purposefully stumbles and falls. His arm flies out and he takes the guy down with him. Felicity is going to be so pissed.

The bar lights up in an instant. Fists and bottles come at him and, Jesus Christ, he's missed this. The recklessness of not caring, the freedom from responsibility, the not having to explain to anyone why he needed this pain. The guy splits his lip and Oliver smiles, the blood rushing over his teeth and into his mouth. He drops his hands down, not protecting himself, letting the beating come, welcoming the impact. He can take this. It's nothing. This guy has no idea how much pain he's endured.

Bones are still bones though, and when he feels a rib crack he springs into action. Somewhere in the back of his mind he can hear sirens, but in the front of his mind all he hears is the crowd urging them on.

He throws one perfect punch and the guy goes down to the ground in a heap. Oliver breathes deep, waiting, never giving up the hunt, but the guy is knocked out. Oliver comes embarrassingly close to throwing both of his arms over his head and spinning around in victory, but settles instead for pivoting around on his heels. He scans the crowd, looking to see if there's someone, anyone who'll dare try and take him.

No one moves. The crowd watches him silently.

He takes a step towards the door, thinking it's done, not realizing that they guy he'd been fighting had friends. He's so drunk he doesn't notice the footfalls of the man that hits him from behind with the bar stool.

When Oliver comes to, Lance is standing over him.

"I'd have thought these calls were beneath you now, Captain," he says, mouth dry and head aching.

"And miss out on arresting you one more time? How could I resist?" He hauls Oliver to his feet and shoves him out a door.

The night air feels good when he steps out, cool and clean on Oliver's skin, drying the blood on his lip and calming him as it breezes by him gently. He looks for the paparazzi, thinking someone inside must have called TMZ by now, but Lance has taken them out the back. The alleyway is empty and the Captain's police issue town car blocks the way in.

"Should I call Miss Smoak?" Lance asks.

Oliver turns a little too fast and shakes his head. "No. Just take me to the station. I'll call a lawyer from there."

Lance looks him up and down with a wry grin. "I'm not arresting you, Queen. That other guy's got a record that makes you look like a saint. He's not pressing charges and, surprise, surprise, no one in there remembers seeing anything. Looks like your luck just doesn't run out."

Oliver nods and then coughs, blood spraying lightly from his mouth and Lance crosses to him, a hand flying onto his shoulder. "You okay?"

Oliver pauses and then collapses forward, hands on his knees as he draws a deep breath. That rib might be broken. He sinks to the ground, his back resting against the brick exterior of the bar and says nothing. He has no idea how to answer Lance's question. His head starts spinning wildly from the alcohol. He can't remember the last time he even had one drink, let alone ten.

Lance walks to his car and comes back with a bottle of water. "Here."

Oliver takes it gratefully. "Thank you."

"You know kid, you're a real shit," Lance says, leaning back against the wall. "I knew it the first time I met you and, you were what? Thirteen? You'd gotten Laurel in trouble, had her drinking vodka out of your locker at school and I thought, Jesus, here we go. The teenage years begin." He sinks down next to Oliver. "Christ, if I'd known then what I know now I would have shot you."

Oliver rinses his mouth out with some water and spits to the side. "You'd have been right to." He leans his head back against the wall and breathes deep, trying to keep the world from moving all around him.

"Damn right I would have been," Lance says, tilting his head. "The thing is, nowadays you seem to be doing better. You're leaving both my daughters alone, which I appreciate, and you're working hard. It doesn't make up for the past, but it helps to keep me from wanting to punch you in the face whenever I see you."

Oliver exhales sharply, pain from Lance's words running though him. They owe this man honesty, but Sara's death isn't his secret to tell. "Is there a point to all this?"

Lance sighs. "It's been a long time since I've seen you in this condition and you know, Miss Smoak is a good person. I like her. And she seems to like you. So I want to believe that you're not doing to her what you did to Laurel."

Oliver feels his cheeks flushing, but it's not from the alcohol. "It's not like that between us. We're not together."

"Really?" Lance frowns. "She's not with that other guy then, is she?"

"What other guy?"

"The one who took over your company You know, the douche bag."

"You mean Ray Palmer?"

"Yeah, I was at lunch with Laurel on Wednesday and they stopped by our table to say hello. He picked up our tab, which was obnoxious if you ask me. I didn't like the way he was looking at her."

"At Laurel?"

"No, at Miss Smoak."

Oliver's head drops forward, his chin tucking into his chest. "She doesn't seem to mind."

"Well, you should do something about that then. And if you're not man enough to do that, at least tell her to be careful. Something's wrong with him. Call it a father's instinct."

Oliver laughs, "You realize you're saying you'd rather see her with me, right?" Lance goes quiet and Oliver shakes his head. He should get up and go, but it's not like he can drive himself home. Maybe he'll call Digg.

Lance clears his throat. "Look, I get it. I spent a long time after that boat went down pushing people away. I buried myself at work and when that didn't work, I buried myself in a bottle. When I climbed out I'd lost my wife and I'd almost lost Laurel. I got a second chance when Sara came home." Lance stops for a second and tries to catch Oliver's eye, but he looks away, afraid that Lance will see everything. Lance sighs and shakes his head lightly. "Look, you'll never be my favorite person, but you're not the guy who used to send Laurel home crying at two o'clock in the morning anymore. I can see that. You got a second chance when you came home too. Do something with it.

"I'm trying."

Lance stands up, glancing around the alley hesitantly. He pauses for a moment before speaking. "I'm not talking about dressing up in leather and trying to save the city, kid."

Oliver's head shoots up and bangs back against the brick wall. He lifts a hand to rub at the spot. "I don't know what you're talking about Captain. I can't save my family's company, let alone the city."

Lance laughs lightly. "You really think I don't know? Hell, I suspected the first week you were back. And then you were dating Sara again but she was also running around holding the vigilante's hand. I think I can put two and two together."

Oliver rubs his eyes roughly. This night really can't get any worse. The weight of Sara's death presses down on him and twists at his insides. He hasn't let himself grieve for her and he can't let himself start now. He'll mourn her once they've found justice. His hand drops down and he tries to ignore the nagging voice in his head that tells him there is no justice for a loss like this.

"Look, you don't need to confirm it. It's better I have some plausible deniability here anyway. But what's the point in doing all of this if you don't have anything to show for it. Miss Smoak is a good woman. Even if your past was squeaky clean you wouldn't be good enough for her. So why not just thank your lucky stars that she sees the best in you and move on from there?"

'It's not that simple."

"It never is. But life is too short to not be with the people you love. So long as they're not related to me." He holds a hand out for Oliver and helps him up. "Christ you weigh a ton." When Oliver is settled on his feet, Lance claps a hand around his shoulder. "You need a ride home?"

Oliver nods. "Yeah, if you don't mind."

Lance shrugs. "This doesn't mean I forgive you. If you come near my girls again, I really will shoot you this time."

Oliver grimaces as he climbs into the car. In the future, when the extent of what he and Laurel have hidden from her father is revealed, this alliance will be over. Another wave of grief threatens to overtake him as he realizes how much more he's going to lose before this all ends He puts on a fake smile and turns to face the man he's grown so much to admire. "Trust me, Captain. You'll have my permission."


End file.
